秘書

無工作經驗／大學／英美語文學類

修改後自傳：

Biography
Ｏ Ｏ-Ｏ
My name is Ｏ Ｏ-Ｏ, and my English name is Ｏ. I’m Ｏ-Ｏ years old, and I am the eldest child from a well-to-do family. My father is a technician at Taiwan Glass Company and my mother is a housewife. My younger sister is a senior-high school student. Being the eldest child has made me an independent, responsible and mature person.
I am a graduating senior at Ｏ Ｏ University with a major in Ｏ Ｏ.
Throughout my academic years, I not only maintained good grades but also participated in various volunteer and school club activities. Having numerous times been chosen as an activity leader for school clubs, I planned a variety of stimulating events where everyone had lots of fun. In addition, I participated in some volunteer activities to cultivate an interest in studying English among children.
Through these activities, I discovered what I want to do with my life: I like to help people enjoy life and have fun. Organizing activities where people can have fun gives me great satisfaction. Whenever I see a smile of contentment, I’m filled with happiness and forget about whatever hard work it required to make it possible.
I have also grown to understand that the service industry is a pleasurable but complex endeavor. I have learned from organizing activities, and from the people I have worked with, to be more patient and sympathetic to different people’s needs. I try to treat the people I work with like members of my family, and they can feel my sincerity and my concern for them.
With my solid English ability and great reserves of patience, I am confident that I can do anything I set my mind to. I am eager to become a member of your company’s team of efficient and outstanding people. I am a passionate, hard-working person who will always strive to perform my duties to the highest standards. I do hope you will give me an opportunity to prove myself worthy of the position you are offering.

修改建議：
Your English was pretty good, and just needed some small improvements. Apart from adding a title and some smaller changes to polish your English, I made the following bigger changes:

I changed “Ｏ Ｏ University” to “Ｏ Ｏ University” - please check if that’s correct.

I removed “In order to improve and become more efficient, when I do serve people,” because it was unnecessary for getting your point across at that point.

I changed “I have passion and high expectations of myself” to “I am a passionate, hard-working person who will always strive to perform my duties to the highest standards.”