國際貿易人員

6年以上經驗／大學／行銷與流通學類

修改後自傳：

Autobiography
It is my pleasure to have this opportunity to introduce myself to you. My name is ＯＯ and my English name is Ｏ. My family consists of six members – my parents, one older brother, my brothers wife, my little niece and me.
When I was a child my parents aimed at the development of my personality. I grew up in a liberal family, therefore, I have a positive attitude to life.
After finishing my basic education in junior high school, I went to ＯＯ College of Languages. I majored in Spanish and minored in English. Since I was very interested in learning languages, I also started to learn Japanese in cram school.
After studying in college for five years, I can speak fluent English, Japanese and Spanish. I really enjoy communicating with people, and love to help people. Whenever I can help someone, I always feel happy.
I still remember one time when I joined a student activity as a volunteer interpreter at the Baseball Game World Cup and I was responsible for taking care of the Spanish umpires. One night, I received a phone call from the Japanese team leader. She was very nervous because she had lost her room key. However, she dared not ask help from the senior umpire. Because of the language barrier, no one could help her beside me. I listened to her and solved her problem very quickly. After that, I made up my mind to to speak foreign languagesfluently in order to help more people in the future. Being a flight attendant was my dream job.
During my first three years of college I also had a part-time job as a waiter in a restaurant during my summer and winter vacations.It was a good chance for me to learn about customer service and I was responsible for many things including arranging seats, ordering menus, cleaning tables and toilets, making beverages, washing the dishes and so on. Sometimes customers had strange requests about the food or service, but I would try my best to satisfy the their demands. I always treated customers like my friends and hoped they would feel at home.
I entered ＯＯ University of Hospitality and Tourism after completing a five-year degree in college majoring in Hospitality Marketing Management. In order to get familiar with the airline industry, I studied a lot of optional courses such as Airport Customs Practices, Personal Image Management, Inflight Services Management and International Etiquette. I also participated in many student clubs. I was a member of the ＯＯ Club and went to Ｏ-Ｏ Ｏ every month. I was also the administrative secretary of the Student Association.
I attended a seminar for leaders of College Extracurricular Clubs sponsored by the ＯＯＯ on behalf of our school, and also hosted the President of ＯＯ at a banquet held in our school.
In my free time, I like reading, swimming, playing badminton or going to the movies with my friend. When I have a holiday, I like to travel abroad, mostly by myself. I have been to Japan more than ten times, the US, Korea, China, Europe and South East Asia. I also studied Advanced English in Canada. I like to experience different cultures and make friends all over the world.
I worked in a Japanese joint venture steel company in Ｏ for six years. Since the company was going to build a new factory in ＯＯ and wanted to relocate staff from Taiwan. Due to my mothers illness, I was unable to do this so I stayed to take care of her. Subsequently I found another job in Ｏ as a sales representative which I have done for six years. During that time I have learned how to demonstrate the function of products, and negotiate with customers in a proper way. Sometimes I take business trips overseas in order to visit customers and do after sales services. Moreover, I have attended many commercial exhibitions in order to develop more new customers who are interested in our products.
To summarize, I am an optimistic, outgoing and experienced sales representative. Besides English, I am also fluent in Japanese and Spanish.
I sincerely hope to take the advantage of my knowledge of languages and marketing, and be able to offer my services to your esteemed company.

修改建議：
I have left the references to family in the autobiography as the applicant is seeking a job in Japan but this kind of information would not normally be in an English-language job application.
I added some paragraph breaks as some of the paragraphs were a bit long, making the autobiography more difficult to read.
Overall the writing was good but at times the wrong tense was used which I corrected. Also, sometimes the use of articles (‘the‘a’or no artice) was incorrect, for example, ‘After studying the college for five years’ should be ‘After studying at college for five years.’
Most mistakes were not serious and the re-writing was only necessary to make the text read better and sound more like a native speaker had written it.